Brittany Rebecca Helton

My dream about you…….

by on Jul.22, 2014, under Thoughts and Feelings

A few weeks ago I had a dream that I swear was the most realistic one I have ever had and I can remember it so clearly. I could see your beautiful face. That smile. I could touch you and hold you. You were here, but it was the past, but you knew that I was in the future. You were asking me a lot of questions, then you asked me what your life was going to be like in the future. As much as I tried to warn you without coming right out and saying that you were going to die an early age, and that you were going to die of your own doing (not that I believe that….you know who I hold responsible for your death) I just could not bring myself to tell you, but somehow you knew and you wanted me to tell you and you wanted me to be ok with it. Well little girl, I am definitely NOT ok with it. I will never be ok with it. I will never be ok with the fact that a crazy woman took your life away from you and from me and from your sisters and your grandparents. I am not ok with the fact that this crazy person seems to think that it’s ok to blame everyone else except herself for what happened to you…..for pushing you over the edge and doing what you did, or what she did to you. I am not ok with the fact that this crazy person seems to forget that she is not the only person on the face of the earth that misses you.

Try as anyone may, we know who you loved and who you cherished. We know where your loyalties were and YOU, above everyone else knows who your family is. Certainly not that hillbilly loser uneducated group that thinks they are your family.

And, I know you find it just as funny as I do that she seems to think that she is so much smarter than everyone else. That she thinks a website that belongs to ME is social media! And that she thinks she is changing the world and acting as if she is helping prevent suicide. She has not done a quarter of the work that I have done to honor your memory and to advocate and educate and spread the word about suicide and the prevention of this terrible tragedy.

I love you my sweet chunky monkey. Always have. Always will. I know you are looking down on us and seeing everything that EVERYone is doing. Rest in peace knowing that you can never be hurt by the crazy woman ever again.

Thank you for continuing to send me signs that you are present in our lives.