Brittany Rebecca Helton

9 weeks feels like a lifetime…..

by on Oct.06, 2010, under Thoughts and Feelings

knowing you will never be here again. Knowing that I will never get to see your beautiful face and hoping that we would have the kind of relationship that we should have always had. The kind of relationship that a mother and a daughter have. I’ll never get to snuggle with you like I did with Ashley this last weekend. We talked about you, briefly.

I have images of you preparing for what you eventually did. I wonder what you may have been thinking about when you did it. Did you think that no one would miss you? Did you think we would not care if you were gone? Did you think we would not be sad knowing that you are never going to be with us again? YOU WERE WRONG!!! You should have seen how many people were at the memorial service and the funeral and the gravesite. You should have seen all the tears and the sad faces. I never knew that so many people could love one little girl as much as all those people loved you.

What was wrong baby girl? What was so wrong that you could not tell anyone? Why didn’t you tell sissy the night before what was bothering you? Was someone hurting you? Did you just feel too much pressure from people? Life is not so bad that it had to bring you to the point that it did. I wish you would have reached out to someone…ANYONE!!

I get messages from your friends every once in awhile. We all have holes in our hearts where you once were. I hope that in time, those holes will heal. There will be a permenant scar where the hole once was, but at least the pain will be gone. Not forgotten, just gone.

I need you to find Deannas mom, Barbra and stay with her. Let her know how much Deanna truly loves her and how much she misses her. She would be very proud of Deanna, just as I am so very proud of you.

I love you baby…til next week, be safe and peaceful.