Brittany Rebecca Helton

I feel lost

by on Dec.09, 2010, under Thoughts and Feelings

Bitt, I feel lost without you. I may not have all the memories that others do of doing things with you, but I have your birth and the short visits we had as my memories. I may not know all of your friends, but I have some of your friends on facebook now. All I know is that I love you so much. I miss you so much. I would give anything to have you back with us. To have you safe and warm and loved and happy. I am sure you are all of those things wherever you might be, but I want you here….with me and your sisters. My heart breaks everyday when I think about you. I can hear you and see your little toothless smile that Christmas you were here when sissy was just 2 weeks old. That was the best Christmas I ever had! I’m struggling sweetheart with the fact that you are gone. I feel like my friends don’t understand what I am going through because they have not lost a child. All I want is to wrap my arms around you and tell you just how much I love you. I never had a chance to do that before you left. I hate the last conversation that we had, but now that I think about it, I doubt it was even you. I know that she was able to log into your facebook and that makes me weary about the fact that it was even you communicating with me. You would have never said such horrible things to me. The conversation started off really well, and I wish it would have stayed that way.

I miss you so much that there are days that I just want to curl up into a ball and shut the world off.