Brittany Rebecca Helton

An Open Letter to the Non Bereaved

by on Dec.14, 2010, under Publications

An Open Letter to the Non Bereaved
By: Pat Moser

Dear Family, Friends, Co-Workers, and General Public,
I am a bereaved parent. My child died. My world has been “turned upside down”
and I have been “thrown” into a world of pain and grief that I never even
imagined could exist. The absolute “worst” has happened to me and my family. Our child,
sister, grandchild has died. Close your eyes for a minute and just try to imagine
your world as you know it and love it, being totally and forever changed in one
split second. Imagine that one of “your” beloved children that you kissed
goodnight last night,talked to on the phone yesterday or said “I love you” today
as they walked out the door to go to their everyday regular activities DID NOT
return home. Not today, not tomorrow or not ever! Just try to imagine getting a
phone call or a knock on the door from the Hospital, Highway Patrol, Sheriff
Dept. or anyone telling you that your child is DEAD. I am sure that you cannot
even begin to imagine the horror of it.

It did happen to me and my world that I knew and loved is no longer, I am no
longer the same me that you once knew. I am no longer the same “me”
that I once knew. I am faced with trying to learn to go on without my precious
child. Where do I start, what do I do? Where do I turn? The pain is unbearable,
the pain is constant in the first days, weeks, and months and, I am told

I am consumed with this pain my every awakening minute. I cannot sleep at
night; I cannot function at home, work or anyplace. I may put on a “good face”
and tell you “I am fine or ok” but this is far from the truth. I am NOT OK or
fine. Quite frankly, I do not even have the energy to tell you how I really am
and there are really no words in any language to adequately explain the
horrendous pain, grief or longing for my child that I am feeling. I am told by
other more “seasoned grievers” who have also had a child die that “one day” I
will not feel this constant all consuming pain, that I will find joy in my life
again but that it is a very long and hard journey of grief to reach that point.
I am on that long and hard grief journey “right now”. I am trying, and please
believe me when I say I want to see the day when I can breathe and not feel just
this over powering grief and pain.

I tell you all of this because you can help me so much by just trying to put
yourself in my place and understanding what I and my family are now faced with.
You don’t have to have the “right words” to help me, for there are no “right
words.” But you can give me your hugs, understanding, and your support by
knowing that this “grief journey” takes a long long time and is not something
that I can “get over” (I don’t have the measles) or “move on” from……..I have
to go “through” this grief to get to the “other side” of it.

Thank you so much for “trying” to understand.
From Another broken-hearted, bereaved parent.