Brittany Rebecca Helton

Missing you horribly…..

by on Dec.20, 2010, under Thoughts and Feelings

Sisters, brother and I sat around last night and painted christmas things and had a family dinner and you were missing. You should have been there with us, not where you were or where you are now.

My heart breaks everyday. Poor Ben….he must think that I have gone off the deep end, with the breakdowns that I have. I still see your beautiful face in every thought that I have. I still can hear you laughing and giggling¬†with your sister and whispering to each other when you were supposed to be going to bed. Sometimes I can’t even look at your pictures. It hurts so bad knowing that you will never be here again. I will never get to hear that laugh or hear you and your sister together. I will never get to read the funny text messages that you two would send back and forth to each other.

What makes me the most sad is that your sisters will never get to have a life with you. The little ones needed you to look up to as a role model, and Ashley, well, she just needed her little sister to be here for her. Who will be the most important person to her at the wedding now (besides Jeff of course)? Who will help her do all the things that a sister is supposed to help with? We will have a spot at the table for you.

Ben and I were talking the other day about our worst days, and honey, I would gladly trade my worst day with anyone else’s worst day. My worst day? August 4th, 2010. The¬†day I got the phone call from your sister (because your dad was too ‘in shock’ to call….whatev) and to hear her voice. It was like she was a little girl all over again. She had to be the one to tell me that you were no longer here. That you left us. I replay that call everyday in my head. I wish it would go away and I wish you would come home to me and your sisters.