Brittany Rebecca Helton

5 months, and it feels like yesterday

by on Jan.04, 2011, under Thoughts and Feelings

Yes, it’s been 5 months since you decided that you needed to end the pain. 5 months since you decided that you needed to ‘get out’ of whatever you felt you had to get out of (I know what you were talking about, and so does everyone else). 5 months of tears and ‘WHYS’ and anger and, yes, laughing. I come to work everyday, now that I can get myself out of bed, and I sit here. Some days I can focus, most days not. Most days, like today, I cry. I have pictures of you and sissy up and then pictures of the ‘tiny baby children’ (as sissy call them…it’s cute…you would probably have called them that too.) The sad thing is that I will never have pictures of all of my beautiful daughters together because you had to leave. You obviously┬áhad something extremely important to do, and that’s ok. You can explain to mom when we meet again. We will have plenty of time to sit and talk about everything that we never could because you were always being hovered over. We will have OUR time baby. Just mom and daughter. There is so much to get caught up on, even though you know everything that is going on, which is good. I know that you are seeing everything, and all I can say is….it’s about time!! haha Everyone else who matters has seen it and on August 4, 2010 you saw it too. I have no doubt that you saw it long before that. I know that things that happened between us were not your doing. It’s ok though baby. Everything is OK. I love you and that is all that matters. I have never stopped loving you. You and your sisters are my world.

I hope you are able to rest. It’s been a long 5 months!