Brittany Rebecca Helton

where does the time go?

by on Jan.11, 2011, under Thoughts and Feelings

I cannot believe how quickly the time is passing Brittany. It’s already the middle of January, and the walk is just a little over 3 weeks away. It seems like it was just yesterday when the walk was organized and I was thinking ‘wow, 5 months away?’ Now, it’s right around the corner. I am so busy traveling for work, but I still can’t seem to focus on anything but the fact that you are gone. I see you in my dreams and even when I am awake, and not all of the images of you are pleasant. I hate the bad thoughts, I love and miss the good ones. Anyway, I am trying to get the shirts for the walk done, but I cannot decide what I want on them. I have asked sissy for her thoughts, and as always, she is very helpful. I worry about her. She is so sad without you. So, besides the shirts, we have the bracelets and I am trying to decide what memorial stickers to get. So much to do. We are also going to do something else special that you know about, but I will tell you about it after we do it. I am hoping that it works out ok and that we get alot of feedback. I’m interested to see what happens.

I wish that I had something that I could hold that belonged to you. I hear all these other parents talk about smelling their children’s clothes and wearing the children’s clothes, but I have nothing. I hate that I don’t have anything of yours that that I could just hold close to me.

I still cannot believe that you are gone. It makes me sad to think that you are never going to be here again. It makes me sad that sissy is struggling without you and that you are never going to know your tiny baby sisters like Ashley does. I am happy that you visited her the other night. She needed it and it means a lot to her that you come and visit. I would rather you do that then to visit me. Spend your time with her baby. She needs it so much.

I love you. Rest sweetheart. I will write more later. And remember….keep believing what you are seeing….