Brittany Rebecca Helton

One Day we all have to answer to our maker….

by on Feb.25, 2011, under Thoughts and Feelings

and I will  be able to honestly say that I did everything that I could as a mother for all 4 of my daughters. I went without so you all could go with, I struggled so all of you could have the things that I did not have when I was a child. I worked graveyard for 7 years so there was always someone at home with any one of you. I went into financial debt fighting for YOU because I knew that something was just not right. I was not the one that would not allow you to see me. I was not the one that would call the police when you came out for a visit. I was not the one that sent the police on Christmas morning and made you stop playing with your sister so you could talk to them, and I was not the one that broke the law each and every time that you were supposed to be due for a visit and you were not allowed to come, or it was made to be so difficult for me that by the time your visitation was due it was too late to book you a ticket.

I wish that I weren’t such an adult sometimes and I certainly wish that I was not the better person, because trust me baby, there would have been some serious damage done a long time ago. I hate the 2 that call them your ‘parents’. They are the ones that are responsible for you no longer being here. I don’t give a shit if you WERE 19 and an adult. The fact of the matter is that you lived with them (I know that was not your choice) and they were responsible for you and you were under their care when you took your own life. They were the ones responsible for the fact that you did what you did while they laid their lazy fat asses on the couch and took an effing nap. What the frek does she need to take a nap for in the middle of the morning. All she does is sit on her ass in front of the computer. SERIOUSLY! She needs to get over herself and realize that she is the one that is responsible and she is the one that is going to have to answer to her maker one day…..if she makes it up that high. There is nothing that she can say to defend herself. She can claim that she is such a ‘great mother’ and that she did nothing wrong…except for the fact that she did!! I may not have been a part of your life at that moment, but at least I was not laying my lazy ass on the couch sleeping while you were in your darkest hour!!! Nice excuse!! She acts as if she is the only one that is suffering from your loss. Well guess what….you aren’t!!! You are not the only one that loved MY daughter!!! What a self centered waste of a human being. I wish it had been her and not you that left. I would rather go through a lifetime of thinking that one day we would have a great relationship than what I am going through now! This is not what I signed up for when I gave birth to any of MY daughters.

So know this….at least I will be able to meet my maker and know that I did everything I could to be a good human being….Can the CRAZY actually say the same….doubtful….turn that over to your maker……but just remember how effing hot it is down there…….