Brittany Rebecca Helton

Last Night…..

by on Mar.04, 2011, under Thoughts and Feelings

we all went to gram and grandpa’s house. It was fun being there with all my girls, except we were missing you. I had a convo with Gram about how tired I am. Not just tired, but exhausted. I feel so run down. I have no energy to do anything and I think it’s because of all the depression and thoughts about losing you. It’s the first time that I have cried I think in at least a week. I am angry at people for doing what they did to you AND for what they did to sissy. It cannot be forgiven, but ultimately we are not the ones that have to find forgiveness for them. We will leave that up to one person.

We all miss you. Gram told me that we will get through this together, but I am not sure if I will ever be able to make this pain go away. This is not the way that it was supposed to be. Even though we did not speak regularly, you were supposed to  come back to me…back to your sisters and we were going to have a better life than what I tired to give all of you. We were finally going to be together and be happy. I am not sure if I will ever be happy again. I know that I will have my moments, and that you would want me to be happy, but with you gone and knowing that you will never walk this earth again I do not see forever happiness. I hate the fact that I will never get to see your beautiful face again or that I will never get to tell you that I love you and that the things that you were told were not true. I am so sorry that you had to deal with that type of insanity. You never should have been told the things you were told nor should you have been called the horrible things you were called.

I love you very much, and please know that we ALL miss you so very much.