Brittany Rebecca Helton

So many things going on…..

by on Feb.18, 2012, under Thoughts and Feelings

Bitty Boo, I am not even sure what to think about some of the things that have happened in the last 2 weeks. Are you trying to tell me something? Are you trying to make others see the error or they ways? Give me some kind of sign about what you want me to do.

I am having a very hard time believing that people are actually NOW asking for forgiveness after 18 long, painful months. After all the hurt that has been dished out and all the ugliness that has been displayed. What is it that you want mommy to do?  Why now? Why after so long and after all the hateful things that were done are these people now asking for forgiveness? And, the even better question is….what do they want afterward IF they do get forgiveness?

It’s funny though because even though it’s really not that important to me, I still have not been asked for forgiveness. I have not been reached out to and had those 2 words spoken to me. Granted, we were all hurt by the nasty things that were done and said after your death (even up to 2 months ago), but you were my baby and I lost you just like your father lost you. Even though you had someone in your life that was a mother figure to you, your father and I are the only ones that are involved in this that understand how the other one feels. I don’t care that you were not given the chance to be raised by me. I gave birth to you and I fought for you and the fact that you were never given the opportunity to know that really makes me angry. But that my love is in the past. It truly no longer matters anymore. All that matters is that you are not here. We are sad and we miss you. Every second of everyday. We love you so very much. Have since the day you were made.

I’ve been thinking so much about you and what you are doing to fill your days. I hope that you are spending time with your great grandparents and playing with the dogs that we had to say goodbye to over the years. I hope you are holding the babies that were taken too soon and making friends with others your age that were taken the same way you were. I hope that you are happy. I hope that you feel the freedom that you were never given and I hope that you always remember that we are here…everyday…missing you.

Keep shining down on us baby. We need you right now. More than you will ever know.

Rest in peace my sweet angel. You deserve it. I love you.