Brittany Rebecca Helton

Another Christmas, come and gone……

by on Dec.30, 2013, under Thoughts and Feelings

and you are still gone…..that sucks. I hate having to deal with the holidays and they seem to be taking a toll on me. I have noticed that I just don’t seem to care anymore. I used to love getting everything ready and shopping throughout the year….even if I knew that you were not going to┬ácome out like you were supposed to. Your father never held up his end of the court order and quite honestly, I was too tired to fight it any longer. Those people exhausted me. I just had no fight left in me….probably much like you felt on August 4th, 2010.

I found this year that I tried to be a little more cheerful, but it was not easy. All I wanted to do was to crawl back into bed and sleep until the next day.

I love you and miss you so very much. I wonder constantly what you would be doing if you were here. I wonder what you would look like…where you would be….what you would be doing for work and what you would be doing in college. I think about what your children would look like and what kind of a mom you would be. I would hope that you would NOT be like your step monster. I hope that you would be a loving, caring mom…..I have no doubt that you would have.