You know, people are just ignorant sometimes honey. They believe what they hear from someone else and don’t bother to actually ASK what the whole story is. Instead of becoming extremely defensive and attacking (yes, it attacKing not attacHing), they should just reach out to the other person to actually find out the truth. Even if they do not know that other person. I guess it’s just easier to believe all the CRAZY things people have to say instead of really trying to find out the truth. But that just goes to show me that those kind of people are so closed minded that they just don’t care what the truth is and would rather believe something that a dillusional, unstable person has to say. Everything that she has had to say has been nothing but lies anyway! Anyone who is important knows that.

As for the name calling, seriously!! How would she feel is someone referred to her by the things that she calls me. I may have been (in the CRAZY’s words) an ‘egg donor’ and an ‘incubator’ (whatever, at least I did not steal children from another woman!!) but I will never have the tag of ‘loser’ or ‘murderer’!!! Grow up and act like you are a 40 year old mother of TWO!!! It’s not wonder why the 2 boys have turned out as bad as they have…..their mother is CRAZY!!! I hate that you are gone, but I am glad that you no longer have to put up with her bipolar, deranged actions. We all know why you did what you did, and it was because of her and the way that she tormented you. The things that she did to you when you were walking the earth. She should be ashamed of herself for treating people the way that she does. Not only you, but your sissy too. She made her believe that she loved her and wanted to be a part of her life, and then as soon as you died, she threw her aside like the trash. Well, that CRAZY definitely belongs on the curb with the rest of the garbage because that is all she is.

If she doesn’t care about sissy, why does she keep bringing her up….and me too for that matter? If she does not give us a 2nd thought, why does she keep writing about us? It must be the best way for her to mask her own guilt. Obviously she is feeling bad about the things that she did to you and the way she treated sissy. She was so jealous of me because I was both of yours mom, that she took it out on you and your sister. What a pathetic individual she is for being that way. She should have been thanking me for allowing her to be a part of your life. I allowed you to do what you wanted to do because I wanted you to be happy. Now that I look back, I should have just kept you and gotten an emergency order to NOT have you go back. If I had known what I know now, you NEVER would have returned to that insane individual.

I wish she would just leave us alone. There is no reason to make statements about us, and there certainly is no reason to talk about us. You know, it’s been said that if you are occupying real estate in someones head, then you must be important to them!!  

I love you and I am sorry that I could not save you from all of that torment and torture

I get this ridiculously worded message (not to mention the grammar was horrible….no wonder…it came from someone from that small bumpkin town with no education!) Thank GOD you did not turn out like some of those people!!

I just wish people would mind their own business and stop harassing us. We have not done anything except try to honor your memory. I have never ever heard this girl’s name mentioned either by your sister or seen her name at all until after you left us. It’s funny how people can claim to care about you only AFTER you died. We know who your true friends were, and according to your BEST friend, this girl even called you a bitch before you died. That must be her favorite word because she called your sister that today as well. Small town, small minds I guess.

And the funniest thing is that she (the loser that sent me the message) could not even use WHOM correctly!!! Whatevs, right baby??!!! You can’t fix STUPID!!!

I love you and hope that you are resting…..you deserve it after everything you have been through.

We thought of you with love today.
But that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday.
And days before that too.

We think of you in silence.
We often speak your name.
Now all we have is memories.
And your picture in a frame.

Your memory is our keepsake.
With which we’ll never part.
God has you in his keeping.
We have you in our heart.

Author: Unknown

I have been so busy with work, but I am so exhausted because my body does not remember what it’s like to sleep. It’s been that way since August 4th. It sucks not to be able to get more than a few hours of sleep each night.

I have also been busy trying to get the shirts designed and made for the walk. I cannot believe its in just a few weeks. The time has flown by so quickly. TOOOO quickly!! My very best friend John (you would love him) had some bracelets made….you know the kind, like the Lance Armstrong ones. They are perfect and we are going to give them to our team at the walk along with the shirts. I hope that you like the design of the shirts. Sissy and I have been going back and forth with them.

I love you. Try and get some rest….I am always here.

Pippen was very sick very suddenly yesterday and Troy and I had to make the decision to not have him suffer anymore. It was something that hit him very hard and very fast and there was nothing that we could do to help him. Look out for him baby, just as he will look out for you. Protect him, just as he will protect you. Keep him happy and healthy and play with him. He has a wiggly butt and will wiggle it when he sees you. He likes to play, but will never let you have the toy!! He is funny that way.

I love you~

By David M. Romano

When tomorrow starts without me,
and I’m not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes,
all filled with tears for me;

I wish so much you wouldn’t cry,
the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things,
we didn’t get to say.

I know how much you love me,
as much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me,
I know you’ll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me,
please try to understand,
that an Angel came and called my name,
and took me by the hand,

and said my place was ready,
in heaven far above,
and that I’d have to leave behind,
all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
a tear fell from my eye,
for all life, I’d always thought,
I didn’t want to die.

I had so much to live for,
so much yet to do,
it seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
and all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
just even for awhile,
I’d say goodbye and kiss you
and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
that this could never be,
for emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven’s gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
from His great golden throne,

He said, “This is eternity,
and all I’ve promised you”.
Today for life on earth is past,
but here it starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
but today will always last,
and since each day’s the same day,
there’s no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful,
so trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things,
you knew you shouldn’t do.

But you have been forgiven
and now at last you’re free.
So won’t you take my hand
and share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,
don’t think we’re far apart,
for every time you think of me,
I’m right here, in your heart.

You know baby, it’s funny that people think that they are ‘nearly perfect’ when it comes to certain things. I have been accused of not wanting to see you or not making time for you, but I remember when Troy and I were getting married and I wanted you to be there sooooo badly, but ‘parents’ refused to allow you to be there because ‘it wasn’t your time to come for a visit’, even though I said that I would pay for all the the travel expenses, just like I ALWAYS did!!! Also, I asked your ‘father’ to do me a favor and drive you to the nearest large city for you to fly out on your ‘scheduled’ visits, and he asked the judge to award him a mileage expense if that were going to happen…instead of just being nice and agreeing to it so you could spend time with your sisters, he wanted to be a jerk. I have no doubt that it was more the CRAZY than it was him, but he really should have grown a set and laid the law down to her. Apparently he has never been able to do that….even when he was hiding the fact that he was sleeping around and that he moved out and he told you all the dirty little secrets and made you keep it quiet!! You poor thing…that could not have been easy for you, being that you were ‘HER secret keeper’. I just wonder what other secrets you were forced to keep in your short life. THAT was not your job to do that. What kind of people make their ‘child’ keep such secrets as they are having an affair?? DISGUSTING!! I wish that I would have just fought even harder than I did to get you to be where you belong. At least you would still be alive and all of us would not be hurting the way that we are…..Instead, I went into financial ruin (which I would do 10 times over) and tons of heartache to get you to be here with me and your sisters. I did everything the right way and followed the law and they did everything wrong and broke the law and the court order all for what??? So you could go and kill yourself because of them?? GREAT!!!

Parents of suicide find ‘immediate bond’ in each other

This story started on
CNN iReport

(CNN) — Margaret Pelleriti’s son Michael was a straight-A student in 11th grade. His mother didn’t know anything was wrong the day he took a gun to the train tracks and shot himself in the head.

More than 16 years have passed since then, but she would not say she has “moved on.” She has found comfort in counseling and participating in outreach activities, but still mentally beats herself up sometimes.

“You do take those steps forward, but something will always stop you, and you’ll go back to remembering,” said Pelleriti, of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

“When I had heard about Marie Osmond’s son, I was like, ‘Whether it’s from the top of the pinnacle or to the average Joe, the circle goes around,’ ” she said. Pelleriti shared her story with CNN’s iReport

Some suicide survivors said they feel sorry that Marie Osmond, whose 18-year-old son, Michael, apparently took his life last week in Los Angeles, California, does not have the luxury of privacy that they did while grieving.

“I would hate to have to go through all of that with everybody looking at me,” said Diane Kasselhut of Louisville, Kentucky, whose son Chris died at age 23. Read her iReport

There are about 33,000 suicides per year in the United States, according to the National Institute of Mental Health.

Parents whose children have taken their own lives say regardless of how much time goes by, they still feel guilty for continuing to live, or for being happy when their loved one is gone. The feeling of “What could I have done?” perpetuates this guilt, Kasselhut said.

Health.com: How to spot the warning signs of suicide

Survivors, while they naturally grieve, should remember their child would have wanted them to have a meaningful life with minimal suffering, said Dr. Alan Manevitz, psychiatrist at New York-Presbyterian/ Weil Cornell Medical Center.

“It’s important that they understand that the memory of the child lives on in the purpose of their life,” he said.

Surviving parents say they feel a special connection to others who have lost children to suicide. “It is such an immediate bond when you meet another person whose child took their life,” said Patricia Pedigo-Dunn, whose son Allen passed away in October 2009. Pedigo-Dunn participates in the online groups Parents of Suicide and Survivors of Suicide. Suicide “adds another dimension to the grief,” she said.

Read Pedigo-Dunn’s iReport

Kasselhut has found comfort in sharing her thoughts and feelings about her son Chris, who died September 9, with support groups in person and online.

“Writing about Chris and talking to others about Chris, it helps keep him alive, even though I couldn’t do that,” she said.

Online groups such as Parents of Suicide have also helped Kasselhut see she is not alone in what she thought was “crazy” thinking, as survivors in the group have often had similar chains of thought.

“Things like calling our child’s cell phone, and hoping [they will] pick up, or sending Facebook messages and expecting an answer, even though we know, of course, we’re not going to get one,” she said. “Someone else will say, ‘Yes, I’ve felt exactly the same thing.’ ”

A parent’s reaction to suicide is distinct from homicide in which parents can direct anger at the perpetrator, or accidents and illness in which parents can focus on the randomness and unfairness of the world, Manevitz said. In suicide guilt plays a greater role. Parents question their role in their child’s death and try to find meaning in that, he said.

There is also still stigma involved in suicide. Joanne Mazzotta — who has written an unpublished book about her son Danny called “Why Whisper?” — knows of parents who lie and say that it was a heart attack.

“It’s a very, very big quandary of shame and silence and people are dying because of it,” she said. “I almost killed my own self.”

Read Mazzotta’s iReport

Linda Lafferty, who lost her son Mark in 2008, said going back to work — she works in a California state prison — was her salvation.

“All you can do is keep busy, because if you let your mind think too hardly, or too sadly, it will drive you crazy,” she said.

Lafferty said she hasn’t tried counseling yet, but has found great comfort in the online The Suicide Grief Support Forum. Pelleriti, on the other hand, believes counseling saved her life, and made her a more positive person.

Read Lafferty’s iReport

Mazzotta said it’s important to have the first year to process and reconcile what happened. After Danny died in 2001, she started a restaurant in his honor, but later sold it because it was premature — “I wasn’t completely healed yet,” she said.

Moving forward after a child takes his or her own life is sometimes less difficult for parents who have other children, Manevitz said. Devoting themselves to the surviving children may help parents cope with the trauma, he said.

Pelleriti said she and daughter Marlo bonded over the loss of Michael, and that Marlo helped her move forward.

“I always feel that I had to go on for her. It didn’t matter for me, but I had to get out of bed for her,” Pelleriti said.

It took her about 10 years to accept that her son is gone, and she still has moments of guilt. Still, her life has not stopped — she attained a master’s degree and is working on a Ph.D. in teen suicide. She also participates in suicide awareness and outreach activities.

“If anyone is thinking, ‘Oh, I want to kill myself, I don’t want to live,’ I wanted to try to use myself as a block,” she said. “Look at me, this is what is left, to let someone realize that you’re leaving behind a real person that will grieve for the rest of their life,” she said.

Visit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention for more information on coping with the death of a loved one.

Ways You Can Help Someone with Depression
No author listed

1.Remember that they cannot help being affected by depression.

2.Encourage them to talk and listen to what they are saying.

3.Let them know that you care about them.

4.Stay in contact with them. Send a card, give them a ring, visit them in
their home. Remember that depression can be a very isolating experience.

5.Help them to feel good about themselves by praising daily achievements.

6.Encourage them to help themselves by adopting self-help techniques.

7.Find out about support services available to them and to you (self-help
groups, out-of-hours emergency support, help lines, etc).

8.Encourage them to visit their doctor, and ensure that they take any
prescribed medication as directed.

Source URL:
http://www.health.com/health/condition-article/0,,20192853,00.html?pkw=outbr
ain-ha

I cannot believe how quickly the time is passing Brittany. It’s already the middle of January, and the walk is just a little over 3 weeks away. It seems like it was just yesterday when the walk was organized and I was thinking ‘wow, 5 months away?’ Now, it’s right around the corner. I am so busy traveling for work, but I still can’t seem to focus on anything but the fact that you are gone. I see you in my dreams and even when I am awake, and not all of the images of you are pleasant. I hate the bad thoughts, I love and miss the good ones. Anyway, I am trying to get the shirts for the walk done, but I cannot decide what I want on them. I have asked sissy for her thoughts, and as always, she is very helpful. I worry about her. She is so sad without you. So, besides the shirts, we have the bracelets and I am trying to decide what memorial stickers to get. So much to do. We are also going to do something else special that you know about, but I will tell you about it after we do it. I am hoping that it works out ok and that we get alot of feedback. I’m interested to see what happens.

I wish that I had something that I could hold that belonged to you. I hear all these other parents talk about smelling their children’s clothes and wearing the children’s clothes, but I have nothing. I hate that I don’t have anything of yours that that I could just hold close to me.

I still cannot believe that you are gone. It makes me sad to think that you are never going to be here again. It makes me sad that sissy is struggling without you and that you are never going to know your tiny baby sisters like Ashley does. I am happy that you visited her the other night. She needed it and it means a lot to her that you come and visit. I would rather you do that then to visit me. Spend your time with her baby. She needs it so much.

I love you. Rest sweetheart. I will write more later. And remember….keep believing what you are seeing….