Brittany Rebecca Helton

Hi baby~

I saw my friend Marley last night who is this amazing singer with a voice from heaven. Right after you died, before your sister and I left Vegas for your funeral, we went to see Marley sing. She sang the most beautiful song and she dedicated it to me for you. Everytime I hear it I get teary eyed. It’s so beautiful and it is definitely for you. Anyway, last night she gave me a CD with the song on it so I can listen to it whenever I want to. You would have loved her. She is gorgeous both inside and out.

I am going to make new wedding announcements for sissy because 1) there are some names that need to be removed, and 2) there are some ridiculous punctuation errors on it (no wonder, right? Considering who wrote them). I think that will be my next big project. Sissy and I also have to start planning for the wedding after the holidays are over. I am so excited for it, but so sad too because you will not be here like you were supposed to. We were all supposed to celebrate together and dance and laugh and drink and have a great time. Mom and all her girls were supposed to be together on that happy day, but now we will be missing one girl. One very special girl. We will say a prayer for you and save a seat for you at the table, right next to your sister…where you belong.

We will never get to do that at your wedding…dance and laugh and have a good time. We were going to do that and now that you are gone, I can only fantasize about what you would have looked like in your wedding dress. I can only imagine helping you with your hair and makeup and putting your veil on you. I will never get to be ‘the mother of the bride’ at your wedding and I will never get to see your first dance with your husband.

Christmas is 9 days away, and you have been gone 135 days. All I want to do is count backwards to August 4th. Actually, I want to go back to August 3rd…..and stop time…

I love you my girl!

Love~Mom

Thank you for coming into my dream last night! It was so nice to see you and to hold you again! You had the most beautiful smile on your face and you sat with me and we laughed and decorated the christmas tree. It was so nice to have you there with me, where you belong. I think that its time that I hang your stocking up. I think that I am at the point that I can do that. Right now it just sits on the chair in my bedroom and I touch it everyday. It brings me joy thinking back to that christmas that you were here after sissy was born. It really was one of the best times for me. You looked so happy. I should have kept you after seeing the condition that you arrived in and the minimal amount of things that you showed up with in your suitcase. Who sends a child somewhere in the winter time with summer clothes, that reeked of smoke. Poor thing. We had to go shopping just to get you clothes for the time that you were here with us. You and Sissy had such a great time and the entire family was so happy to have you here with us where you should have been all along.

When I told Grandma Trudi about you, she cried and cried. I think that her heart is broken now. She has been in and out of the hospital over the past few weeks. Please watch over here and keep her well. She could really use you right now. Also, watch over Grandpa Mike, as he is traveling and we need him to be safe. Our family cannot take any more losses.

I love you dearly my sweet BRITTANY. Rest in peace for now my baby. We will see each other again one day!

Love you~

Mom

Most suicidal individuals give some warning of their intentions. The most effective way to prevent a friend or loved one from taking his or her life is to recognize the factors that put people at risk for suicide, take warning signs seriously and know how to respond.

Know the Facts

PSYCHIATRIC DISORDERS

More than 90 percent of people who kill themselves are suffering from one or more psychiatric disorders, in particular:

• Major depression (especially when combined with alcohol and/or drug abuse)
• Bipolar depression
• Alcohol abuse and dependence
• Drug abuse and dependence
• Schizophrenia
• Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
• Eating disorders
• Personality disorders

Depression and the other mental disorders that may lead to suicide are — in most cases — both recognizable and treatable. Remember, depression can be lethal.

The core symptoms of major depression are a “down” or depressed mood most of the day or a loss of interest or pleasure in activities that were previously enjoyed for at least two weeks, as well as:

• Changes in sleeping patterns
• Change in appetite or weight
• Intense anxiety, agitation, restlessness or being slowed down
• Fatigue or loss of energy
• Decreased concentration, indecisiveness or poorer memory
• Feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, self-reproach or excessive or inappropriate guilt
• Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide

PAST SUICIDE ATTEMPTS

Between 25 and 50 percent of people who kill themselves had previously attempted suicide. Those who have made suicide attempts are at higher risk for actually taking their own lives.

Availability of means

• In the presence of depression and other risk factors, ready access to guns and other weapons, medications or other methods of self-harm increases suicide risk.

Recognize the Imminent Dangers

The signs that most directly warn of suicide include:

• Threatening to hurt or kill oneself
• Looking for ways to kill oneself (weapons, pills or other means)
• Talking or writing about death, dying or suicide
• Has made plans or preparations for a potentially serious attempt

Other warning signs include expressions or other indications of certain intense feelings in addition to depression, in particular:

• Insomnia
• Intense anxiety, usually exhibited as psychic
• pain or internal tension, as well as panic attacks
• Feeling desperate or trapped — like there’s no way out
• Feeling hopeless
• Feeling there’s no reason or purpose to live
• Rage or anger

Certain behaviors can also serve as warning signs, particularly when they are not characteristic of the person’s normal behavior. These include:

• Acting reckless or engaging in risky activities
• Engaging in violent or self-destructive behavior
• Increasing alcohol or drug use
• Withdrawing from friends or family

Take it Seriously

• Fifty to 75 percent of all suicides give some warning of their intentions to a friend or family member.
• Imminent signs must be taken seriously.

Be Willing to Listen

• Start by telling the person you are concerned and give him/her examples.
• If he/she is depressed, don’t be afraid to ask whether he/she is considering suicide, or if he/she has a particular plan or method in mind.
• Ask if they have a therapist and are taking medication.
• Do not attempt to argue someone out of suicide. Rather, let the person know you care, that he/she is not alone, that suicidal feelings are temporary and that depression can be treated. Avoid the temptation to say, “You have so much to live for,” or “Your suicide will hurt your family.”

Seek Professional Help

• Be actively involved in encouraging the person to see a physician or mental health professional immediately.
• Individuals contemplating suicide often don’t believe they can be helped, so you may have to do more.
• Help the person find a knowledgeable mental health professional or a reputable treatment facility, and take them to the treatment.

In an Acute Crisis

• If a friend or loved one is threatening, talking about or making plans for suicide, these are signs of an acute crisis.
• Do not leave the person alone.
• Remove from the vicinity any firearms, drugs or sharp objects that could be used for suicide.
• Take the person to an emergency room or walk-in clinic at a psychiatric hospital.
• If a psychiatric facility is unavailable, go to your nearest hospital or clinic.
• If the above options are unavailable, call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Follow-up on Treatment

• Suicidal individuals are often hesitant to seek help and may need your continuing support to pursue treatment after an initial contact.
• If medication is prescribed, make sure your friend or loved one is taking it exactly as prescribed. Be aware of possible side effects and be sure to notify the physician if the person seems to be getting worse. Usually, alternative medications can be prescribed.
• Frequently the first medication doesn’t work. It takes time and persistence to find the right medication(s) and therapist for the individual person.

My mom is a survivor, or so I’ve heard it said.
But I hear her crying at night when all the others are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night and go to hold her hand.
She doesn’t know I’m with her, to help her understand.
But like the sands on the beach that never wash away,
I watch over my surviving mom, who thinks of me each day.
She wears a smile for others, a smile of disguise.
But through Heaven’s door, I see tears flowing from her eyes.
My mom tries to cope with death to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows it’s her way to survive.
As I watch over my surviving mom through Heaven’s open door, I try to tell her that angels protect me forever more.
But, I know that doesn’t help her or ease the burden that she bears.
So if you get the chance, go visit her and show her that you care.
For no matter what she says, no matter what she feels,
My surviving mom has a broken heart that time won’t ever heal.

An Open Letter to the Non Bereaved
By: Pat Moser

Dear Family, Friends, Co-Workers, and General Public,
I am a bereaved parent. My child died. My world has been “turned upside down”
and I have been “thrown” into a world of pain and grief that I never even
imagined could exist. The absolute “worst” has happened to me and my family. Our child,
sister, grandchild has died. Close your eyes for a minute and just try to imagine
your world as you know it and love it, being totally and forever changed in one
split second. Imagine that one of “your” beloved children that you kissed
goodnight last night,talked to on the phone yesterday or said “I love you” today
as they walked out the door to go to their everyday regular activities DID NOT
return home. Not today, not tomorrow or not ever! Just try to imagine getting a
phone call or a knock on the door from the Hospital, Highway Patrol, Sheriff
Dept. or anyone telling you that your child is DEAD. I am sure that you cannot
even begin to imagine the horror of it.

It did happen to me and my world that I knew and loved is no longer, I am no
longer the same me that you once knew. I am no longer the same “me”
that I once knew. I am faced with trying to learn to go on without my precious
child. Where do I start, what do I do? Where do I turn? The pain is unbearable,
the pain is constant in the first days, weeks, and months and, I am told
even…years.

I am consumed with this pain my every awakening minute. I cannot sleep at
night; I cannot function at home, work or anyplace. I may put on a “good face”
and tell you “I am fine or ok” but this is far from the truth. I am NOT OK or
fine. Quite frankly, I do not even have the energy to tell you how I really am
and there are really no words in any language to adequately explain the
horrendous pain, grief or longing for my child that I am feeling. I am told by
other more “seasoned grievers” who have also had a child die that “one day” I
will not feel this constant all consuming pain, that I will find joy in my life
again but that it is a very long and hard journey of grief to reach that point.
I am on that long and hard grief journey “right now”. I am trying, and please
believe me when I say I want to see the day when I can breathe and not feel just
this over powering grief and pain.

I tell you all of this because you can help me so much by just trying to put
yourself in my place and understanding what I and my family are now faced with.
You don’t have to have the “right words” to help me, for there are no “right
words.” But you can give me your hugs, understanding, and your support by
knowing that this “grief journey” takes a long long time and is not something
that I can “get over” (I don’t have the measles) or “move on” from……..I have
to go “through” this grief to get to the “other side” of it.

Thank you so much for “trying” to understand.
From Another broken-hearted, bereaved parent.

You never said I’m leaving.
You never said goodbye.
You were gone before we knew it, and only God knows why.
A million times we needed you, a million times we’ve cried.
If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.
In life we loved you dearly, in death we love you still.
In our hearts you hold a special place no one can ever fill.
It broke our hearts to lose you, but you didn’t go alone.
For a part of us went with you the day God called you home.

and always will. No matter what is said about me and the things that you have been told. I WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR MOTHER AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU. No one will ever be able to take that away from me. Even Brett said it to me on more than one occasion. He understands what is going on and he knows what the truth is. Sister told him as well. He is a good boy and I want to help him. He loved you so that means that I love him.

Always remember baby girl, on that day 3rd day of July 1991, it was you and me against the world. No one will ever be able to take that away from me.  After all the issues throughout the pregnancy and delivery, I would do it all over again. You were my little firework, and you always will be.

Just remember….you, me and the sisters. Always. Us 5 girls!

Remember that there are so so many people that love you and miss you so very much.

Remember that you can see the truth.

Remember that you can see the true colors of certain people.

Remember that just because you did not spend the last years of your life with me, that I will always be your mother and I will always love you just as much as I love your sisters.

Remember that no matter what, I did what I thought was best for your and your sister at the time. I had no way of getting you out and away from them. He took your passports and hid them.

Remember that you mean as much to me as your sisters do.

Remember that no matter what your were told, you were NEVER a burden to me.

Remember that your siblings are here.

Remember that life is not as bad as you may have thought it was.

Remember that any one of us could have saved you.

Remember that we will always ALWAYS love you.

Remember that we are not angry at you, but at what you did.

Remember that our hearts and our lives will NEVER be the same without you.

Remember that one day we will see each other again.