Brittany Rebecca Helton

Four Candles For You
Author Unknown

The first candle represents our grief.
The pain of losing you is intense.
It reminds us of the depth of our love for you.

This second candle represents our courage.
To confront our sorrow,
To comfort each other,
To change our lives.

This third candle we light in your memory.
For the times we laughed,
The times we cried,
The times we were angry with each other,
The silly things you did,
The caring and joy you gave us.

This fourth candle we light for our love.
We light this candle that your light will always shine.
As we enter this holiday season and share this night of remembrance
with our family and friends.

We cherish the special place in our hearts
that will always be reserved for you.
We thank you for the gift
your living brought to each of us.

We love you.
We remember you.

(author unknown)

and while they do, you are gone. The craziness has started again and I refuse to allow it to consume me and tarnish your life and your passing. While others can make your death all about them (which they should because they are responsible for it) I am going to make your passing all about you, and I will spend whatever free time I have trying to get the word out about you and your life. I want people to know what an amazing person you were and how your smile made me smile on a daily basis. I didn’t have to physically see you to know just how beautiful your smile was. Just because someone sees you everyday, that does not mean that they know what is going on with you or what your thoughts and feelings are. That is obvious by what has happened to you and the fact that someone is responsible for what happened to you and cannot accept the fact that because of their behavior and lack of love, you are no longer here.

People can say what they want to about me, but when they start saying horrific things about your sister, your BLOOD sister, it brings out the protective part of me and I get extremely angry. All I can say is that it’s a good thing that the others that were involved in your death are in another time zone, because I would not hesitate to go to jail for severely hurting someone. But, I know that you are watching, so I am going t continue honoring YOU, instead of making this an all out web war like others have. Baby, some people really need to get a grip on reality and face the fact that they are responsible for what has happened. (and I won’t even mention the ridiculous spelling and grammar!! maybe instead of focusing on bashing your sister and I, someone should think about getting a real education…uneducated REDNECK!) They have no right to mourn you because they took you away. One day they will have to answer to their maker. One day ALL the truth will come out and they will be held liable for their actions.

I know that YOU know the truth. Ashley, Brett and Grandma know the truth now. They all know that everything that has happened is not at the fault of me. All the crap that took place over the 16 years, from the time that you were 3 and your father refused to let me have you. It’s ok baby, I forgive your father for what he has done to me, you and your sisters, but my forgiveness is not what matters. It’s yours and Gods forgiveness that he will one day have to seek.

For now, I will do what grandma suggests and I will pray for the people that need it the most, and that is the people that hurt you. The people that claim that they were such good parents. Karma is a funny thing my girl….and one day it will do what it needs to do to whom it needs to.

I adore you….I always have. You and your sisters are my world. I live and breathe to make sure that all of you are happy healthy and safe. I am so sorry that I could not take you away from the insanity and keep you safe. At least now, the crazies cannot hurt you anymore!

So, for you, my little girl, I am going to make a concience effort to NOT allow the evil to come in to your celebration of life. You deserve to have this be about YOU, and no one else. You are the one that has left. I am sure that you had a good reason, and after seeing and hearing some of the things that have been going on, I definitely do not blame you for getting out in any way that you thought you could. Unfortunately, it made us sad. We are missing a special part of our lives, but we know that we will see you again one day. I have no doubt that you will be standing at the gate, waiting for me. We will finally have the time that we never had because people chose to take it away from us. I also know that you will be turning away certain individuals from the gates and sending them where they truly belong. They do not deserve to be with you.

I can’t believe that the walk is just a few months away. Seems like it has taken forever to get here. We have so many great things planned to honor you! And then your sweetheart will be coming out in March to visit and to spend some time with us so we can get to know each other. I am very excited to meet him and to get to know him. Afterall, you were going to be married one day. If you loved him, then mom does too. He really loves you so very much and misses you like crazy. Please watch over him. He worries me sometimes and I am not close enough to just hop in the car and drive to him.

I love you my sweet girl. I hope that you are resting…..in peace

Your life was so precious and you meant the world to me, your SISTERS, Brett, your grandparents and your stepdad. Everyone else does not matter or count in our world. This is about YOU, not us or anyone else. While WE are struggling with you being gone, YOU are no longer in pain…YOU are away from the craziness that was your life that brought you to the lowest point that you caused you to do what you did. You are at peace now and no one can EVER hurt you or make you feel badly about yourself ever again! You know what the truth is now, and that is all that matters. You are seeing for yourself what is going on and what has happened. I know you don’t believe what is being said because you can see it clearly.

Some days are harder than others. Some days I don’t realize what day it is and other days I smile because 19 years ago I got to hold you and care for you and love you in the way that only your REAL mother can. No one will ever be able to take that away from me. Just because someone adopts you, that does not mean that you were never my child. I got to carry you for 10 months (yes 10….3 weeks late). I got to hold you for the first time and got to feed you and love you. NO ONE else! I am the lucky one that got to experience all of that.

It’s all going to be ok baby. One day we will all be together again and we will talk about everything. I will tell you things that you did not know before. All the truth has come out….Even Brett knows all the truth and we have accepted him into our family since the family that took you away turned their backs on him.

We love you sweetheart….always and forever <3

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving….today you have been gone 16 weeks. Thats all I got…….

Today marks the 3 month anniversary of your death. Everyday it feels like yesterday when we lost you. I hate that you left and I did not get a chance to tell you just how much I love you and what you mean to me. I hate that I never got a chance to make things right and to let you know the truth about what had happened all these years that you were not with me and your sisters. I hate that your horrific step monster lied to you and hurt you and was mean to you and never treated you with the respect that you deserved.

Just remember my angel….you will always be young and beautiful and happy and away from harm…..and you will ALWAYS be missed. By everyone.

and the reality of you being gone is starting to set in. Is this really happening? Is my little girl gone forever? Do my other daughters no longer have you in their lives? YES is the answer to all of the questions. There are so many more that the answer is YES to as well. Am I angry for what you did? Do I miss you like crazy? Do I love you? Have I always loved you? Do I think about you every second of the day? Do I want you back? Would I give anything to have you here? Should I have fought harder to keep you away from your horrid stepmother? Should you have told me what was going on? Could you have come to me at anytime to get away from the pain you were in?I could go on and on with everything, but I won’t bore you!

I finally did what I needed to do yesterday and I hope that you were there. It was the first true breakdown that I have had since your funeral. It’s a bit easier to talk to a stranger than it is to talk to people that I know. Strangers have no emotional involvement and don’t know any of us from Adam. It was easy to let it all go. To talk about you and to say how I really feel about what has happened to our lives and our family since you have left.

Please know that you will always been in my mind and in my heart. I will never forget you and will always love you so very much.

knowing you will never be here again. Knowing that I will never get to see your beautiful face and hoping that we would have the kind of relationship that we should have always had. The kind of relationship that a mother and a daughter have. I’ll never get to snuggle with you like I did with Ashley this last weekend. We talked about you, briefly.

I have images of you preparing for what you eventually did. I wonder what you may have been thinking about when you did it. Did you think that no one would miss you? Did you think we would not care if you were gone? Did you think we would not be sad knowing that you are never going to be with us again? YOU WERE WRONG!!! You should have seen how many people were at the memorial service and the funeral and the gravesite. You should have seen all the tears and the sad faces. I never knew that so many people could love one little girl as much as all those people loved you.

What was wrong baby girl? What was so wrong that you could not tell anyone? Why didn’t you tell sissy the night before what was bothering you? Was someone hurting you? Did you just feel too much pressure from people? Life is not so bad that it had to bring you to the point that it did. I wish you would have reached out to someone…ANYONE!!

I get messages from your friends every once in awhile. We all have holes in our hearts where you once were. I hope that in time, those holes will heal. There will be a permenant scar where the hole once was, but at least the pain will be gone. Not forgotten, just gone.

I need you to find Deannas mom, Barbra and stay with her. Let her know how much Deanna truly loves her and how much she misses her. She would be very proud of Deanna, just as I am so very proud of you.

I love you baby…til next week, be safe and peaceful.

that you left us. I remember hearing the news as if I had just heard it yesterday. It was 928am and I just got out of a meeting and put my phone down on my desk. It was on silent. I just happened to look down at it and saw that sissy was calling me, which was strange because she never calls me during the day while I’m at work. I answered the phone and she was crying. I thought something happened to Patton or to Jeff. She could barely tell me what was going on. I stopped in the hallway and that is when I heard her tell me that your dad called her and told her what you did. I asked her ‘What did you say?’ and she told me again. I guess at that point I lost it. I was crying and then I guess I started screaming and collapsed on the floor. Everyone in the office came out to see what was going on. I don’t remember much, but apparently I dropped my phone and sissy was still on it. I had to call Grandma and tell her. She was at the dentist office and did not answer the phone at first. Sissy called her, then I called her.

I haven’t slept without the help of medication for 8 weeks, and when I do sleep I don’t want to wake up. I don’t function well and as much as I try to focus and be productive, I can’t. I just don’t want to. I don’t feel like being social with anyone and just want to climb into bed and sleep. I look at pictures of you everyday. I think about you every second. I go on day to day because that’s what I have to do. I have to go on with everything because your baby sisters need me to. I struggle some days more than others. I look at your baby sister and she reminds me so much of you. She looks exactly like you and that scares me and makes me smile at the same time. I guess I have the best of both worlds….I have her, but I also have you.

There has been no drama for a week. Lets hope it stays that way and that crazy person is out of our lives forever! I hate the reason she is no longer in my life. Because you are gone….I would rather have dealt with the drama and her insane behavior rather than having to deal with the fact that my little girl is gone. I hate that your sisters no longer have you in their lives and that they have to tell people that you died. Especially Ashley. She was so looking forward to having you in the wedding and to be there with her on her special day. That is what sisters do. Sisters participate in each others lives, not just on the special days but EVERYDAY. Please watch over her. She is having a very difficult time and is lost without you.

I found your baby book and I flipped through it. It made me smile. It made me cry. I am not sure if I will ever be able to sit down and actually look through it to see what is in there. My little girl is gone and I just don’t know how to handle it all.

People can say what they want to say about me, but I love all of my girls and would do anything for them. I know that you know that and that you see it now. I would have done anything I could to help you if you had reached out to me. I will never hold anything against you and hope that you know that I love you and I always have and I always will. I hope you are resting peacefully my sweetheart and know that one day we will see each other again. Everything will be ok then.