Brittany Rebecca Helton

Merry Christmas sweetheart. I hope you are having an amazing day and getting to open all the presents you wanted and NOT having to wait until everyone else was around to do what you wanted. Thank you for the giggle last night and for coming to me in my dream. It was much needed. You must have known that I was having a difficult time and you played a song on the computer that made both Ben and I giggle. It was just what mom needed. It made me really know that you are here where you belong.

Have a peaceful day today sweetheart, and see through the PA/BS fog that you know is not factual.

ps….you may want to remind certain CRAZIES that your sister took 3 years of German AND you both have a German grandmother….not the sharpest tool in the shed that one is!!!!!

I love you sweetheart…..Always remember that

This picture was taken on the one Christmas that you came to visit, and the reason why that was that way is because your father and the crazy were not abiding by the court order to have you come out at christmas and in the summer. Not to mention that they called the police on Christmas morning to try and ruin our holiday. They didn’t though. we had the best holiday ever. You were where you belonged and with people who actually loved you.

Cannot believe how young they were!!!

Thank you so much for shining the sun on us. We definitely needed it, although the rain was so great! Once again, I feel you here with us and it feels great!

I hope you are looking over everyone that needs you up there. My cousin Sherri is there. Look for her if you haven’t seen her already, and of course Grandma Rita. Play with Bubby, Sasha and Monkey also. It’s probably been awhile since they have been able to really play.

Say a prayer for the people here that need it the most. You know who they are what they have done and continue to do. You know what is being said and the fact that they are trying to hurt the ones that are closest to you.

The funny thing is that they say that we don’t matter to them, but the crazies continue to write about us on the joke blog. If we don’t mean anything, then why is her life revolving around us when it should be revolving around you and the life that you lived. She should be focusing on honoring your life instead of trying to make us look bad, which is not working. What kind of a so called ‘mother’ would rather focus on people that in here words ‘don’t matter’ than to focus on you and your beautiful life and the work that you still have to do. It baffles me sometimes my sweetheart.

Well, 2 more days til christmas. I hope that we have another visit from you! I love you so much.

Here Comes The Sun…..

So, I was getting ready for work this morning (because  I CAN leave the house) and sissy was in my room with me telling me about a dream that she had and you were in it.  (I like that you come and visit us!!) Anyway, she said that she and Jeff were talking to you and that they were the only ones that could see and hear you, so she asked you why you did what you did and you told her ‘because I wanted everyone to know that SHE hated me.’ When sister asked you who you were talking about, you told her it was the CRAZY. (Ok, maybe not your exact words, but you get the jist of it.) Sissy said that after that dream, she felt better about things. I hope that she will be able to find peace now. We all know how sissy feels about you, and why the CRAZY hated you.

It’s funny that she can brag about the fact that her name is on your birth certificate, AFTER 17 YEARS! The one thing she will never be able to brag about is the fact that I gave birth to you and I held you for the first time. I fed you and changed your diaper for the first time and I was the one that you came home with.  All I can do is pray for her and hope that she finds peace in her own guilt about what she did to you.

Thank you for visiting us over the past 3 days. It has been raining like crazy here! It’s nice to have you home for Christmas. I know that we are going to see you more often now that you can do whatever you want without the psycho eye watching over you!! Are you here because you know this is where you belong? Are you here because you miss your mom and your sisters?

I hope you are staying safe up there. Find Bubby, he will protect you. He always loved you. Try to get some rest. God know you need it more than anyone. After everything you have been through in your short life, you deserve to rest without any CRAZY disturbing you.

I love you!

Honey, I guess I was wrong about Brett. I thought he was sincere about wanting to get to know us and wanting to spend time with us. I failed again by allowing someone into our lives and then he turned his back on us and on you. I have reached out to him several times since he has been back in communication with the CRAZY, but apparently he has decided that he wants to associate with the people that are responsible for what happened to you. That’s ok…it’s his choice, but he is missing out on knowing the family that really loved you and missing out on knowing your REAL siblings. WHATEVS!

It’s still raining here, but once again…you knew that! Dry it up baby girl. It’s going to be ok. Are you crying because of Brett? Are you crying because you want him to stay away from that insanity?

I love you my sweetheart…….

It’s raining here right now, but you knew that already. Its been raining all day, but you knew that too. Your sisters and brother are in bed and I have the window open listening to the rain and I wonder….are you crying because you are sad that you are not here, or are you crying because you are finally happy and at peace with everything? I wish I were. I wish I were at peace with what has happened to our family and what you did almost 5 months ago to bring our lives to a screeching halt. But, this is not about me, or your sisters or your grandparents, this is about YOU, and do not let anyone ever make you feel that it’s not. YOU are the one that felt the need to leave the stage in the middle of your song. YOU are the one that felt that your only escape was the ultimate escape. YOU are the one that we will be walking to honor in February. I hope you are there with us on that Saturday morning. I hope that we feel your presence while we are honoring your short but beautiful life. And by beautiful life, I mean YOU, not the way you were raised and not the way you were not taken care of…I simply mean you….my beautiful angel. My beautiful daughter who should have been here tonight with your sisters and brother watching ‘Beauty and the Beast’.

We love you, and we miss you, and our pain is not less or no greater than anyone elses that has lost you. It’s just different. Some love you out of guilt, some love you out of just loving you.

Stop crying sweetheart and go to sleep. Rest

and I blame myself for the fact that you were mixed up in all of it! I promise that I will make it up to you some day…..

Always remember…..You and your sisters are my sunshine, and I will always always love each and every one of you…..

You were born to me, and NO ONE can take that away from us my sweet baby girl

Sisters, brother and I sat around last night and painted christmas things and had a family dinner and you were missing. You should have been there with us, not where you were or where you are now.

My heart breaks everyday. Poor Ben….he must think that I have gone off the deep end, with the breakdowns that I have. I still see your beautiful face in every thought that I have. I still can hear you laughing and giggling with your sister and whispering to each other when you were supposed to be going to bed. Sometimes I can’t even look at your pictures. It hurts so bad knowing that you will never be here again. I will never get to hear that laugh or hear you and your sister together. I will never get to read the funny text messages that you two would send back and forth to each other.

What makes me the most sad is that your sisters will never get to have a life with you. The little ones needed you to look up to as a role model, and Ashley, well, she just needed her little sister to be here for her. Who will be the most important person to her at the wedding now (besides Jeff of course)? Who will help her do all the things that a sister is supposed to help with? We will have a spot at the table for you.

Ben and I were talking the other day about our worst days, and honey, I would gladly trade my worst day with anyone else’s worst day. My worst day? August 4th, 2010. The day I got the phone call from your sister (because your dad was too ‘in shock’ to call….whatev) and to hear her voice. It was like she was a little girl all over again. She had to be the one to tell me that you were no longer here. That you left us. I replay that call everyday in my head. I wish it would go away and I wish you would come home to me and your sisters.

I am so excited that I found more pictures of you and your sister, also the ones that we had taken when you were here for your 12th birthday! I was so excited! Its the ones of all of my girls together! My 4 babies all in one picture! I also found ones of you and sissy when you were just about 2 years old! Pictures that certain people don’t have.

I also have your baby book! I looked through it the other day and it made me smile and it made me cry. It brought back so many memories of that day and the times that we had together. Those memories mean so very much to me. Who cares that we did not have alot of time together due to certain individuals not abiding by the court order….we have our memories and no one can take those away from us! The memories of you and sissy playing with your toys on Christmas morning and you sitting on the floor with grandpa playing with your barbies!

It’s all good baby….everything is going to be all good! Just ignore the bad, and focus on the good!

Rest my sweetheart!

I love you so very much!!