Brittany Rebecca Helton

We had a very special visit from your Aunt Toya this past weekend. It was great to see here even for the short time I had with her. She spent quite a bit of time with Ash and they had a great visit.

It’s funny to learn that certain people have excommunicated her from the ‘family’ just as they did with me and with Ashley. People are not disposable. You know that I am a firm believer in ‘do unto others’.

I love you so very much and miss you every second of every day! I hope that you are well, and resting peacefully.

~Mom

http://www.ispokewithmychild.com/presentation.htm

Well kid, 2 years has passed since you decided to leave us. It has not been an easy 2 years, but I am sure you are well aware of that. We all miss you so much and I for one would give anything to have you back and not have to go through this daily torture.

It’s funny how life seems to go on even without you. We go about our daily duties and do what we need to do. Some days I feel horrible because I feel like I have not even thought about you, but I actually have. I think about you every second of every day. I wish you could see what your sisters have been up to these days. I know that you are watching over them. You sent your sister a sign this weekend that you were with her. That made me smile. Thank you baby for doing that, especially on her way home from Vegas. I was wondering if you were going to visit, and you did.

I love you angel. Rest in peace. I’ll see you on the other side.

There must has been something really good going on up there last night baby! We had some serious thunder, lightning, hail and rain last night for about 10 minutes or more. Actually all weekend. Thank you for that. It was much needed and much appreciated. One of my friends sent me a message saying that at 10:08 was when it hit. You and your signs. Now just about everyone that knows us knows what your signs are.

You were with Jill and her husband this past weekend. She was at a store and her total was a pure sign from you. What are you trying to tell me?

I miss you oh so much. I hope and pray that you are resting in peace. Thank you for looking over us. I love you sweet angel.

Happy Birthday my sweet angel! 21 years old today. I cannot believe that 21 years ago you blessed me with your arrival into this crazy world. Although my time with you was taken away by unmentionables, I still have the lasting memory of carrying you for 10 months, giving birth to you and holding you for the first time. I was the first person that to kiss you, dressed you, cared for you when you were sick and rocked you to sleep when you could not fall asleep.

I love you and miss you so very much. I am so sorry for everything that you had to deal with before you left. I am sorry that your mind was filled with the lies that others continue to feel the need to tell. Now, you are able to see everything that has and is still happening. it’s ok sweetheart.

Thank you for looking over us like you do. I feel your presence everywhere I go. I know you are with me and your sisters. I know you are guiding us to do the right thing every day.

Rest in peace my angel. I hope it was one hell of a party up there.

How can someone say that their grief is any more important or any stronger than someone else’s grief? Granted, we all grieve in different ways, but who is anyone to say that their hurt is more significant than anyone elses? How self centered and selfish to diminish anyone’s feelings for someone they have lost.

Allow others to grieve and DO NOT discount their grief. It is not fair that because someone may not have spent a significant amount of time with someone that they do not hurt as badly as someone else. ESPECIALLY someone who gave birth to a child and had that child taken away from her by someone that claimed to have loved her and then pushed her to take her own life. Someone who was/is so obsessed with her ‘children’ that she would not allow one of them to actually have a life. Someone who cannot realize that she still has 2 living children and that the child that died was not even hers. She did not give birth to her, but continues to claim that her pain is so much more important than anyone else’s.

Your sister gave me the most amazing gift for Mother’s Day while she and brother were here this last weekend. She had a book made with pictures of all of my beautiful girls. There were some pictures in there of you that I had not seen before and it brought tears to my eyes. It was both sad and happy emotions at the same time.

I miss you so much. I wish that we could turn back the clock and fix everything that went wrong between us. As much as I tried to let you know that I love you and that I was always there for you, there were others that did not want us to have a relationship and stood in the way every chance they got. I have no doubt that it was out of pure jealousy more than anything else. Anything that could be done to control you and to keep you away from me was done. And no look where you are, and I am here with a permanently broken heart. I am still devastated by the fact that I am never again going to see your beautiful face. Never will I see you enjoying being around your baby sisters and your older sister. You will miss so much, but then again, you won’t. You probably have the best seat in the house for our life’s events.

I love you so very much. I think of you every second of every day. I hope that you are able to finally rest. I was never angry at you, but at your actions. We are in so much pain without you, but are glad that you are no longer in pain and being treated poorly.

Don’t ever forget that you mommy loves you oh so very much!

I was supposed to go to the Overnight Walk in San Francisco this last weekend, but I just could not get myself together to go. I had a horrible migraine, the worst I have ever had and I am sure it is because of all the stress and drama that has been going on. When are people going to learn that neither one of you were their children. You both are my children. When are people going to realize that they have absolutely no clue what your sister is going through because they could not be bothered enough to ask if she was ok. Instead they felt it was best to bully and demean and betray her and treat her like she was no better than garbage. When are they going to realize that she wants absolutely nothing to do with them. Not just because of what happened when you left, but because of their behavior prior to you dying. It was a blessing in disguise for me to have your sister go there and live in that insane house for the time that she did because she finally was able to see that what I was saying was not lies but actually the truth.

I have found that I have been thinking about you quite a bit more now that I have before. Don’t get me wrong…I think of you constantly. I just cannot believe that you have been gone for almost 2 years. Gone with you are my hopes of being able to talk to you again. Being about to have a relationship with you and to tell you how very much I have always loved you. How much I want you in our lives….mine and your sisters. You are missing out on so much. Sheridan is now going into 7th grade and is growing like crazy. She is absolutely gorgeous (like all my girls) and is so excited because like you, she is going to be a cheerleader next year. And Tristann…don’t get me started on her. She is this incredible, amazing, stunning little girl that has a personality like nobody’s business. She makes me laugh and when she smiles she has this dimple right under her eye. It reminds me of the scar you had on your face when you hit the coffee table when sissy pushed you off the couch. I think that Tee resembles you the most. She is so funny and so loving and caring. She doesn’t care what anyone thinks but is kind with her words when she speaks to others. Her feelings get hurt so easily, but will never hurt anyone else’s feelings. And then there is Sissy….she has become a foster mama to a very sweet little black kitten. She is an awesome person and I am so glad that she is part of my life. I love all of you so very much.

Rest in peace my sweet angel. Until we meet again.

I’m not sure what is going on, but there some strange things have been happening over the past few days. From friends requests to messages to blogs on websites about your sister. Is it now finally that time when people are realizing that perhaps they were wrong in treating Ashley the way that they did and perhaps they are seeking forgiveness and absolution for their wrong doings? Is it that time when the guilt has finally sunk in and people are starting to realize that Ashley did not do anything wrong and that she was treated poorly by people who claim to have loved her. Well, in our family, if you love someone, you do not treat them like they were no better than garbage. You do not send horrible text messages and call people the nastiest names you can think of. You do not tell lies about the person that you claim to love in order to make yourself look better to other people. In our family, we tell each other that we love the other person. We talk about things that are bothering us and we try to work through things that have happened. We forgive, but we never forget what has happened.

It has always been said that weddings and funerals bring out either the worst of the best in people. In this case, it did not only bring out the worst, it brought out the devil in some individuals that were involved in your life, and now they expect forgiveness. They expect everything to be forgotten and to be a part of the person’s life that they hurt more than anything. They expect a person to pretend like it never happened and to go back to the way that it was before you died and before they started acting like complete assholes. Well, I am glad to say that THAT is not going to happen. We are not children and we do not look at things through rose colored glasses. Perhaps the actions of certain people should have been thought out BEFORE they happened, and there would be no reason to ask for forgiveness. Perhaps they should have thought about how much they claimed to have loved someone and treated that person with the respect they deserved and there would be no reason to apologize.

I know that you are seeing (and have seen) everything that is going on here. I hope that you are not stressing over what has been happening and that you are resting peacefully.

I think of you every minute of every day. Little things remind me of you. Little thoughts pop into my head and that make me miss you. I have and always will love you with all my heart.

Rest in peace angel….until we meet again.

Love~

Mom

It has been 21 months since you decided to leave. 21 months of heart break and sadness. 21 months of wondering why you did this. 21 months of wondering what could have been so bad that you felt the need to leave all of us here to live this life without you. 21 months of seeing your beautiful smile in my head. 21 months of sharing stories about you with others. 21 months of looking at your baby sister and thinking how much she looks just like you.

21 months of missing you. 21 months of wishing you were here still.

21 months of anger. 21 months of forgiveness and 21 months of tears.

Rest in peace my sweet angel….until we meet again.